Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

Alvin and the Chipmunks return for their third outing on the big screen with Chipwrecked.

Pause a moment to take that in: this is the THIRD Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. The third time that Jason Lee has prostrated himself at the altar of manna to act opposite a group of singing rodents. And the third time that a group of songwriters have agreed to have their carefully crafted pop songs sung by a group of people who sound like their testicles are being slowly ground in a mincer.

Chipwrecked sees Dave (Lee) take chipmunks Alvin (Justin Long); Simon (Matthew Gray Gubler) and Theodore (Jesse McCartney) and the chipettes Brittany (Christina Applegate); Jeanette (Anna Faris) and Eleanor (Amy Poehler) on a cruise. Alvin, because he’s a little brat, creates havoc on the ship and manages to get the rodent cast stranded on a desert island with Dave and their former manager Ian (David Cross) in pursuit. While on the island they meet the slightly demented Zoe (Jenny Slate) who has been stranded so long that she believes the balls that she has assigned names too are actually conversing with her (this is one of the film’s better running jokes). There’s more to Zoe than meets the eye and things will come to a head as the chipmunks try to make their way off the island.

The Chipmunks franchise is hugely popular despite critical maulings so this review is basically the equivalent of roaring your head off into a vacuum. For what it’s worth, this is marginally better than the last film but that isn’t saying much. It remains auto-tune hell - like being stuck in a world where the X Factor contestants are giving an endless group performance. Each song is soullessly delivered in a shrill tone that some people find cute but will have sane people wishing for burst ear drums.

The choice of songs remains as bizarre as ever. The final medley includes Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. Surprising given that this film is pitched at the conservative family-values America where anyone who tries to live by that mantra is likely to get their head kicked in. Then again, Theodore is a young boy who enjoys making necklaces – perhaps, Alvin and the Chipmunks is more subversive than it appears. Of course, they cut to another song before that rather niggly bit about being transgendered but the message is planted.

Kudos though for not releasing it in 3D. It’s a prime candidate for the treatment and presumably they would have made a few extra quid with it but it would have added nothing.

Just about bearable.

Stars: **